Late April 2011. Nearly five months in France and I feel the need to leave that intensifies. I am no longer counting weeks but days. I’m neither here nor there. The contrast between these last 6 months and the return to the farm in Brazil will be huge. In fact, nothing will be the same, or similar. Joyful environment, warm, with frequent polyglot situations, superb food and very pleasant natural environment.
Six months trapped between my four walls at the corner of the village’s main street, focused all day on readings of programmation and ecological agriculture, and in web programming for months. A world light years away from this small farm in Brazil, O chalet do Suiço. Curious this European reference in the name.
I am more and more there and less here. It’s always strange this feeling of having already left a few weeks before the flight.
I’m just out of my lair. Except for a few nights with a friend of the team of workers for green areas with which I worked for a year. A young man of 28 who has a history, a very interesting. line of life. A brave man who will do wonders if he finds his focus again. He lives in a world a little more underground, alcohol and hard drugs of any kinds. It’s been a few months he is undergoing treatment for dependency management. He looks in better shape than one or two years ago.
With him and his childhood friend, we went into town to see some of their friends underground. And then we had dinner and talked. An atmosphere that seemed very noisy. In addition, my two companions are all rather special. It’s all hyperactive, it moves very quickly in different directions. These evenings were as a preparation to my next move. Detoxification at small dose of my co-dependency on electronics! I needed to get out of my head and I asked him if we could get together. He took really good care of me. A good friend.
This stay in homeland has been intense and sometimes difficult to manage due to the enormous stress from my housing situation. This was only temporary but the surrounding environment eventually tackle my nervous system. The opposite of what I look normally. I also had my mission to take on the health of my mother, to a lesser extent because the situation is too structured to inject a quick and efficient solution. But still … The last attempt! All this without running out of drama, of course.
I find the area very unfriendly for me. The country itself is superb. My god! Nature is beautiful everywhere! But I feel the weight on my being is heavy to bear. I feel a lot of intellectualism and a certain disconnection with reality and our daily needs. Our deepest desires, our dreams. Many clichés and superficiality.
But I also know that my perception is only mine, in response to my personal experience. I do not doubt that there are around great people, happy and open to everyone. I must return to WWOOFing in France in a few years!
The desire to move haunts me now. It is time to prepare my bag and make sure everything I had to do is done!